Freja locked the door.
Normally not one to cause a big scene, Freja felt challanged by what was happening around her.
She also felt cold.
She was not wearing pants.
No one was.
Someone had stolen the pants.
All of the pants.
Stolen.
A group of five girls- Arizona, Abbeybaby, Wixson, Karmen Pedaru and Freja all were not wearing pants.
This moment played out differently in Freja’s fantasy file.
It was definately warmer and there were more candles in the fantasy. There were at tops 5 candles in this room and it was cold as balls.
Karmen Pedaru looked at Arizona in the good eyebrows and said, “I think… that someone here is a pants thief.”
“I think that someone here is an Esotian bitch,” Arizona said, springing forward, pantless, but confident.
”In Estonia, we have a name for your haircut,” Karmen Pedaru responded.
”What’s her haircut named in foreign?” Wixson asked interested.
Karmen Pedaru smiled at Wixson and said, “Arizona’s hair is called,” then there was a pause, then Karmen Pedaru made noises like she was vomiting.
Wixson marveled, “Ohh exotic and primal!”
Freja stepped in to defend her love and she said, ”Wixson can’t not have pants. This is illegal.”
“Yes. Wixson you have to wear this tablecloth,” Abbey said, yanking the fabric off a table and a thousand diet coke cans went all over the floor.
Lindsey put the tablecloth on her head.
”As a dress,” Abbey clarified.
Wixy took the tablecloth off her head and wrapped it around her hips.
“Freja, you could design for fashions!” Wixson said, sashaying in her new dress.
“Did she just say design for fashions?” Abbey whispered to Karmen Pedaru.
“I’m from Estonia and even I know that’s grammatically incorrect,” Karmen Pedaru whispered back.
”Okay, back to business, someone has all our pants,” Arizona says.
”How do we know it’s not you?” Abbeybaby asks Zona. There is a moment of tension between the two that turned Freja on.
”Maybe we should take off our tops!” Freja suggested, taken by the moment.
The girls all look at Freja, and, uncomfortable, Freja tried to recover from the statement, “Take off our tops… as a sacrifice… to… the pants………monster?”
Wixson’s eyes go wide and she takes refuge under the table that her dress used to cover.
”Great, now you scared Wixson, are you happy?” Karmen Pedaru asked.
”Wixson, I’m sure there is a perfectly normal, non-supernatural reason for why we all have no pants,” Arizona said, crouching down to get eye level with Wixson.
”Please don’t crouch without pants,” Wixson requested in a small voice. Arizona complied.
PLEASE TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE STUNNING CONCLUSION OF “WHO THE FUCK STOLE OUR PANTS?” AKA LOST 2.
****PLEASE NOTE. THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. THIS DIDN’T REALLY HAPPEN. EVERYONE STILL HAS THEIR PANTS***** (But if you’re a literary agent who wants to represent my novels and you aren’t someone who wants to sue me, please e-mail me.)
